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home sweet home?

April 24, 2010

(that’s my campus btw, isn’t it PREEEEEETTY :DD)

So I’m back in Birmingham now. Home alone and feeling a bit lonely.

I hate having an hour or so to kill. I can never find anything to do that doesn’t take up loads of time. I have work at 8.30 so I’ve got about 40 minutes before I have to leave.

Next door are having a BBQ and I have the back bedroom so I can see them from my desk, and I know they can see me which makes me a ittle uncomfortable.

Living in two places is weird. You never feel like you completely belong anywhere. Well, the last year or so I’ve realised how much I do belong in Birmingham. I’m so happy here, I have so many friends here. I love it. But I also feel like being home has meant I’ve missed out a bit. A lot of my friends have been back for a while now and I feel like I’ve missed loads of things they’ve been doing while I’ve been home. I have this major hatred and fear of being left out and forgotten about. It’s something that haunted me with my up-and-coming year abroad. I’m scared everyone is going to move on without me.

I have enjoyed being home. I just miss my friends and my independence and hate being smothered. I hate that I feel so isolated. At uni my friends live in my house, or within 5 minutes walk. I can walk to the library or to the shops. I can be out and about and I love it. And home no-one lives that close.

I still have a lot of great friends at home, but I do miss my friends at uni when I’m home. I don’t know, they’re like my soul mates. We all have our home friends, but we all loved being together again.

I don’t know, it’s weird. I moaned so much in the second last to week for being home that I wanted to be back. I did. But I do like being at home. I do like being looked after and my mum buying me things. But I love my uni life. And it is that, a different life.

I think it all comes back to the fact I don’t like change. I like being comfortable, I like planning, I like routine. And I don’t like that being disrupted.

And I also like to have lots of friends in different places, but I hate being left out. And I’ve started to realise if you want to have lots of different friends you have to miss out sometimes. You have to spend equal time with all of them, and you have to prioritise.

I’m different people at home and at uni. It’s just very odd.

In my first year I hated uni and lived to come home and see my boyfriend and family. Now I’m much more settled it’s weird coming home. But I’ve grown up a lot this past year. But it doesn’t make going away any less scary.

And I dunno, this is probably just because I’m alone and it’s a bit weird and now my parents have left I miss them. Β I should probably go get ready for work soon. At least then I’ll see people and my friends and my housemates are back tomorrow and everything will go back to normal :]]]

I’ll try to update as much as I can now I’m back, but exams are my priority I’m afraid :[[[

Love you all :]]]

Charlotte xxx

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 24, 2010 18:49

    Hey, where do you go to Uni?

    • April 24, 2010 18:53

      University of Birmingham
      It’s amazing, i love it.
      I think it’s 20th in the country at the moment. The English course is tough going at times (especially in first year) but you learn a bit of everything throughout your 3 years and they really market it as a well rounded English degree. Like, you don’t get much choice in second year (or any in first year) so they make sure you learn a bit of everything :]]]
      i absolutely adore it.
      It’s just outside of town so it’s a gorgeous campus uni, but you’re a ten minute train journey from Birmingham city centre (which I’m sure you know is the UK’s second biggest city) and we have our own train station :]]]
      I know you want to study in the UK so I thought i’d try to sell it to you!!



  2. BIBC permalink
    April 24, 2010 21:53

    By the way I loved the reply to Luinae’s comment, thought it was very funny how you were selling your Uni πŸ™‚

    As much as I love your musing, I think it is very mature of you to make exams your priority, so I’ll forgive you for not musing as often, but you have to promise to muse twice as much after the exams πŸ˜›

    Just like to also say this may be the first musing I’ve found parts hard to relate too :O the reason being my parent’s house was chaos, moving out into uni halls was freedom I had longed for…although saying that, I still can’t shop properly. I end up doing 3 or 4 trips because I go in for soap, spent Β£10 on chocolate, realised when I got home that I had forgot the soap, went back to the shops, spend another Β£10 on food for the week, realising again that I’ve forgotten the soap, go back again and buy the soap, walk out the shop, realise I’m thirsty from all the travelling, spend another Β£3 on a sandwich and drink….curse you soap!!!

    I do agree that you have to spend equal time with all your friends and it is extremely difficult, I enjoy having different groups of friends since I find if I get to know someone who is completely different from me I will gain a little bit of maturity and I love discovering new things about people and about myself.
    Although this has left me in the position where I wasn’t best friends with anyone, since all the different groups of friends didn’t enjoy each others company I felt like I was jumping from group to group to group, never being able to spend enough time with any single group.

    How can you plan ahead? The closest I have ever got to planning ahead was like;
    β€œHmm I’ve got work at 9am, leave at 8am, wake up at about 7am.”
    I find there are so many factors that can change everything, although I do like a routine

    I wouldn’t worry too much about being left out when you go away to America, I met up with one of my closest friends at Easter after not seeing them for 7 months, we spent a couple of hours talking about our uni experiences over a meal and afterwards it felt like nothing had changed at all, we had both changed and matured but the friendship was still there.

    As long as you don’t forget your friends they won’t forget you πŸ™‚

    • May 31, 2010 14:13

      I love reading other people’s views on this, and any of my musings.
      I’m going to write a post this week about how much I have enjoyed my second year compared with my first. I don’t like change and I hate feeling lonely and I found first year was full of lonliness and settling into new routines. Second year has just felt so natural.
      I always love to read what you have to say :]]]
      Thank you for the reassurance for going away too- i like to think most of my friendships are strong enough to handle the distance. Plus with skype and facebook and all otehr technologies I like to think there’s no excuse to lose touch with people.


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